DOs. & DON'Ts.

Thank fucking gawd for vice mag.

couldn't have said it better myself....

 

DON'T

Congratulations on your starvation diet / daily gym routine stomach. How do you find time to fit in all the crazy bohemian stuff though? Ah of course, you’re living a fucking lie.

DON'T

Thanks for making me not want to have sex ever again, Goldilocks.

DO

Movie idea: a remake of Reservoir Dogs but slightly more gay. A group of homosexual gangsters named Mr. Mauve, Mr. Taupe, Mr. Fuchsia, and Mr. Periwinkle set up an elaborate plan to rob the sperm bank. I think I smell a blockbuster!… Oh, no. Wait. That’s just ass sweat.

DO

I know you think the roller blades, flip-flops, sweatpants, unnecessary safety gear, fanny pack, ridiculous heart-monitor thing on his arm, tucked-in t-shirt, lame group activities, and late-80s Soviet rocker hair might have disqualified him from the DOs. But he clearly understands exactly what type of person he is (an oblivious loser) and is using clothing and accessories to communicate that fact, both to people who might be interested in the same things he is as well as people who don’t want anything to do with him. And isn’t that what style’s all about?

DO

These are my kind of women! Nice and skinny! So after I’m done fucking them I can flush them down the toilet. No muss, no fuss.

DO

Most people’s chest pieces are just the cherry on top of a sundae made of too many other shitty tattoos, but when you catch a little glimpse of a blazing phoenix peeking out of the shirt of your quiet German uncle who never married and never talks about what he did in the 70s, it’s a good reminder that in the grand scheme of things, you and I are both enormous pussies.

DON'T

Look at this lovable free spirit. He loves the freedom of wandering across America, the freedom to sew crazy signs on his jacket, and the freedom to tattoo incomprehensible shit on his face. ’Cause that’s what freedom’s all about, man. That and forcing an adorable animal to live the same horrible existence as you do.

DON'T

Most people like the Beatles, right? But the thing is that most people are fucking douchebags. So, following that logic, the Beatles wrote music that appeals primarily to fucking douchebags. Therefore, ipso facto, fuck the Beatles.

via

vice.com